A ray of hope

I, like every other woman on Earth, have met my share of idiots, jerks, players, psycho's...

What I hope to offer women out there, young and old, is a ray of hope.  I'm here to let young girls and even older women know that there are genuinely nice, respectful, absolutely AMAZING and life-changing men out there!!!

Let me back it up a bit and fill in a few gray areas.  Up till this point I've learned the hard way that you can't trust a lot of guys in this world.  I've ran into selfish, spoiled, no good, only out for themselves and what they can get, horrible little boys.  Unfortunately I went through the same horrible luck that most young women go through.  I've been through the cheater, the player, the momma's boy, mr. lazy, the "i'm too cool for everyone else", mr. ego, and the list goes on...

Although I've met some real jerks out there, I have met a few really great guys that are going to make AMAZING boyfriends/husbands but it was when I wasn't ready for them.  I've always known in my heart that everything happens for a reason.  People grow and experience life, both the good and the bad.  I've also known that you have to be optimistic in life and know that there is going to be good things in your future as long as you have the courage to reach out and grab it.

My faith in God has been the only thing that has pulled me through.  I have prayed for so long that God would bring me a man that was over 6'5" who was going to respect me for who I am and what I believe in.  He would see past my looks, and seek to know who I am on the inside.  He would be open and honest, and someone that I can be completely comfortable with.  He would take the bad with the good, and he would be there every time that I needed him.  He would send me messages of love and comfort when I was down, mad, sad, happy, and just because.  He would make me cry when he didn't mean to and I would love every tear that dropped from my face because I know that they're tears of joy.  The thought of hearing his name would give me butterflies, and everything that I thought I knew or had control of in life would be completely turned upside down.  I prayed that God would "hit me in the face" with the most amazing, incredible, life-changing man I have ever met!

Little did I know that He would do all that and MORE!!!  God has blessed me with the most incredible man I have ever met and I can not WAIT to see what the future has in store for us!  I always knew that one day someone would walk into my life and help me to realize why it never worked out with everyone else.   You have no idea how great a feeling it is to finally be done with letting a guy walk all over you and not standing up for yourself!  All of those "Mr. Not Right Now's" or the ones I could have seen myself falling in love with...it truly is their loss.  I had so much to offer them, but they never took the time to realize or appreciate it.  I'm so glad that I've finally found someone that makes my heart skip and beat, and someone I know will catch me whenever I fall.

So a HUGE thank you goes out to my boyfriend Ryan!!!  Thank you for restoring my faith, thank you for opening my eyes, thank you for comforting me, thank you for guiding me, thank you for everything you've done and will continue to do, but most of all...thank you for loving me!!!

I'll leave the girls with this message that I received about an hour ago:

"I love the way you look at me.  I love the way you smile.  I love the way you make the wait completely worthwhile.  I love the way I feel with you, and how you hold me tight.  The fact of the matter is everything about you makes me alive.  You are the one I have been waiting for my entire life!"

Have faith and trust in God because the more you pray, the more He'll amaze you!

Currently Listening It Ends Tonight By All-American Rejects see related

So after like 2 months of pure hell for the most part (could've been worse at times too), I've come to realize several things...some of which I already knew, but they just came back as a clearer perception.

For one, some people that you always considered to be your dearest and truest friends, really just don't give a shit about you unless it's convenient for them.  While others want you to think that everything is just peachy king and you're still friends after certain shit went down, in the meanwhile they're trying to mask their own despair.  I'm just really not in the mood to deal with these kind of people.  I can't stand it when people are fake and try to be your best friends when they can't even help themselves and their own problems.  I almost feel sorry for them because their self-centeredness, pride, and walls of "protection" prevent them from ever being truly happy.  I know I should feel bad for saying these things, but at this point and after all that's been going on, I just really don't care.  There's more important things in life and I'm sick of trying to make everyone feel good about themselves.  I don't want to be around people who talk about suicide or dark dreary views on life and how people just generally suck.  Even if it's just a joke to them or they say their not being serious about it, I really just don't give a damn!  I've always tried to keep a positive outlook on things because I know that there's always something good just around the corner if you just take the time and patience to wait for it.  It's hard to keep a positive outlook when there's someone around who's draining the life right out of you.  Now I'm not saying that this person doesn't have the potential to be a truly good person, I'm just saying that right now (in my opinion anyway) they're so messed up because of everything that they've been through that it's clouded their perception on what a genuinely happy life can be like.  They have already began to doubt people and their intentions.  This person mistakened my empathy and attempts to understand for what they saw as "sympathy".  I wonder if they even know what true compassion is?  It honestly does hurt to say this, but I just get so frustrated and nervous whenever I see them.  I know that they'll most likely read this too, but I really don't care.  I've always tried to be the best person that I can be, and I'll treat everyone the same no matter who they are.  They could be a complete stranger and I would still rather show them the same ounce of compassion and understanding, if I knew that they needed it, that I would show my true friends that have been in my life forever (or even a short amount of time).  I'm just exhausted from being pulled every which direction for the last two months that I just dont' want to do it any more.  I've realized about two weeks ago when I had a mini-break down that I can't handle it by myself so I just gave it up to God.  I know that not everyone believes in God and some never will, but in all honesty He's the best thing that's ever happened to me!  I'm by no means a Bible thumper and I would never try to "force feed" God into anyone's life.  I actually get annoyed when people shut down if I even mention church.  I've always been open minded about things, even if I don't agree with something, I'll still be courteous enough to listen...so I can't stand it when people can't be just as respectful.  You may not agree with what I say and that's fine, but you should at least respect the fact that religion is very important to me.

In all honesty, this person is most likely going to be upset (if they even take the time to read all of this), but at this point I'm just tired of dealing with everything.  I tried reassuring them about their image, confidence, whatever....but I'm just tired of trying to even be a friend when they refuse to let me in.  I really do believe that one of the reasons I stayed around for as long as I did was because I saw part of my old self in them.  I used to have a huge problem with pride and I didn't want anyone to see what I didn't want them to see, but after a while and a few things that happened in college, I've come to realize that you can never help anyone until you take the time to help yourself first.  Which it may sound a little selfish but it's not at all.  People need to do certain things for themselves sometimes.  They once told me that they were never really good in relationships, and I could tell them exactly why, but it's not like they'll listen to me now because they never did in the first place.  I tried being a good friend and showing them that there are genuinely good people out there, but their past experiences and twisted view on life has taught them otherwise.  I apologize if my thoughts seem a little scrambled and confusing at times, but I just type what I'm thinking.  I've just ran out of patience for this person at the moment.  I dont' really want to be around someone who isn't going to take the time and effort into making a friendship work that i'm willing to put into it.  I could probably keep going on but I don't really see the point.  All I have left to say is that right now the song "It Ends Tonight" by All-American Rejects seems to explain a lot of what I have been feeling about this person lately.

Perfection

I hate you, you scorn my soul

I can not deal, I've lost control.

Just let me be, for you I'm not

You trap me in, I gave all I got.

You're suffocating, the walls close in

To your standards, I can not win.

And yet and still, I try to be

Without regrets, all you want of me.

I wait and pray for that glorious day

You let me go and pave my own way.

I bleed, I cry, for you I'll die

Following blindly, to me you lie.

I hate you, you scorn my soul

I can not deal, I've lost control.

i'm in love with a fat man!

So I'm a horrible person.  That's my current conclusion, but I really don't feel like going into it only because not many people have cared lately.  If they do than they're usually faking it because they're trying to avoid dealing with their own damn problems (with the exception of my good girl friends, and select good guy friends).  There are two men for sure that really just bright up my day right now.  The fat man (which is why I'm a horrible person), and my "boyfriend".  Seeing him just seems to cheer me up because he has a beautiful smile and he's a good reminder that not all men are idiots and asses.  I'm sick and tired of dealing with these immature little boys and they're stupid mind games!  Where are all of the real men in this world?  That's my question...

I like to think about my future husband too and the amazingly beautiful and incredible kids we're going to have together.  It's the process in between that's a pain in the ass, but it'll all be worth it in the end when I can look back on the losers and idiots (there have been nice guys, but I eventually got bored with their pansy-ness or what not) and know exactly why it never worked out with any of them.

Where guys go wrong...

Hey guys!  I was just bored one day while I was working during nap time at the childcare so I decided to come up with a few reasons of how guys screw relationships (or potential ones) up.  Here goes:

1.  Unless a girl asks you about an ex-girlfriend, don't keep talking about her to a girl who's interested in you.  She doesn't want to hear it 20 times!!!

2.  Be a gentleman!  You need to respect girls and open doors for them.  They may not care in the beginning, but eventually girls will want you to do that for them.  Plus, it will always help ya get brownie points ; )

3.  Don't undress her with your eyes!  There's nothing more annoying than talking to a guy who pays more attention to what you look like naked than he does to what you have to say.

4.  Stop talking about yourself.  It's okay to talk about what you like and what you do, but when it gets to the point where she can't get two words in...that's annoying.  Most guys don't like it when a girl can't shut up, well guess what....girls can't stand it either!

5.  If a girl rejects you, get over it and move on.  If you keep bugging her to go out with you, you're just going to annoy her.  You could always leave your number and an open invitation to hang out.  If she wants to hang out, than she'll call you.

6.  Stop making us chase you!  Girls shouldn't have to make ever single move in a relationship.  After a while we'll get bored and move on.  Grow some balls and start taking some chances yourself!

7.  Get involved in something.  A respectable girl doesn't want to hear how you get drunk every weekend.  Find a hobby or something you like to do that will carry on more than a two minute conversation.

8.  Constantly making fun of a girl gets old fast!  It's okay to joke around every now and then, but leave the attitude that "being mean to girls means you like them" in junior high where it belongs!  You never know when girls will take what you say personally.

9.  Don't tell us what you think we want to hear just so you can get down out pants.  Girls want a guy who's sincere in his actions, as well as open and honest with them.

10.  Just because a girl won't have sex with you, don't let that stop you from dating her.  You'll be the one missing out, not her!  Don't force her to change her mind either, than you just look like a jerk.

11.  Stop being such a drama king.  A lot of guy's dont' like girls who cause a lot of drama so if you have drama than deal with it first before you try to get in a relationship and drag some unsuspecting girl in it too.

12.  If you see a girl being disrespected, stand up for her!  Believe me, there is nothing hotter than having a guy stand up for you even if he's not trying to date you.

13.  If you like/love a girl, than TELL HER!!!  You never know what could happen if you don't try.  The only one who is going to feel sorry for you in the end is yourself because you never did anything to make it happen.  Don't mope around on what could have been because that just makes you sound pathetic and like a coward.

Just remember this....

Nice guys may finish last, but they are going to be the winners in the long run because they'll get the girls who are worth waiting AND fighting for.  So for all of you nice guys out there, keep fighting the good fight because you will win in the end.  Don't let the assholes being the wasted "Mr. Right" on your perfect girl.